The Target Man: MLS vs EPL

Right or wrong, I spend a lot of time in bars. It’s not that I’m a big drinker, but a barstool is one of the best soapboxes in the world (just behind an online column). Perched on that swiveling lectern, orators of varying talents can pontificate on everything from Aristotelian ethics to Sarah Palin’s vice-presidential qualifications to the artistic influence of Motley Crue. And because they’re in a bar when they run their mouth off, they generally escape unscathed. Often mocked, but unscathed.

There is, however, a certain type of bar and a particular topic of conversation that skews the dynamic. In a soccer pub,...sorry, football pub, where the glasses are imperial pints, the waitresses say “cheers” instead of “thank you,” and the words “Premier League” are spoken of in divine tones, if one dares to bring up Major League Soccer, he is liable to stagger out with a bloodied nose or, at least, a bruised ego.

Yes, I’m exaggerating. There are plenty of soccer barflies around the country who embrace and support MLS. But the reality is, the vast majority of EPL fans—both expat Brits and well-traveled Americans—see MLS as a far inferior brand of the beautiful game.

This is understandable. After all, MLS is not on par with the EPL in terms of money, big-name players, history or global media reach. John Terry’s annual salary could fund about four or five MLS teams, considering the US league’s stringent salary cap.

And yet, despite all the seeming inequalities, there is still a conversation to be had about how MLS—which concludes its 13th season this weekend—stacks up against the EPL—which traces its history back more than a century. It’s a conversation, er, argument I’ve had a thousand times with people around the world, both barflies and professional players. If you’ve ever had a similar discussion, you know how fun and boisterous they can be.

Unfortunately, the MLS vs. EPL question cannot be resolved on the field because the teams never play a meaningful game against each other (the MLS all-star game is fun, but it’s basically a pick-up game with a big crowd). So we’re left with hypotheticals. Which is what this article is about.

I spoke to several MLS players and coaches about how MLS compares to the EPL. But here’s how I set up the question: If a team could play its best XI for the entire season, with no injuries, no international absences, and no congestions issues due to non-league games, how would the top MLS team—take your pick, Columbus, Houston, New England—do in the Premier League?

“Near the bottom,” San Jose Earthquakes winger Darren Huckerby tells me. The 32-year-old had stints with several EPL and Championship teams before coming to America. “Houston is a good solid team. But even they would struggle. It’s different over there. The teams are big, strong, fast, and technical.”

Would the Dynamo survive? I ask.

“Could do,” he replies. “Good teams can do well. It’s not just players, but teams.”

This team-oriented sentiment is one that New England Revolution assistant coach Paul Mariner echoes. He’s burnishes a CV that includes a World Cup with England, decades with Ipswich Town and Arsenal, and twenty years in the US.

“Survival is a tall order,” he says. “Some would say ‘They’d get hammered.’ But if you think about a team like Hull City, they have limited resources, but they’ve made tremendous inroads.”

Tremendous indeed. Hull are currently in 3rd place in the EPL. Nine years ago, they were in the 4th division—a tier that I’m sure even the most diehard British bulldog would admit is below MLS.

Mariner thinks MLS has improved, and he points to MLS teams’ successes against European sides in recent years—including this year’s All-star win over West Ham, for which Mariner was on the sideline as an assistant to Steve Nicol—as proof of MLS’s progress. But he also tempers his optimism with some hard realities.

“Until you see the power of the Premiership guys up close, it’s hard to grasp how good they are,” he says. “Could we compete? It’s difficult to say we could. I’d like to say yes, but even Hull, Bolton, Blackburn, Stoke—they all have powerful players, quick players. There are not too many slow defenders over in England.”

Or, as another MLS coach puts it when I ask him if the best MLS team could survive in the EPL: “No $#?%-ing way.”

But maybe Mariner and Huckerby, so intimately connected to English football, are hardwired to give the nod to the EPL. What about some good ol’ fashioned American hucksterism? I mean, I’ve sung MLS teams’ praises many times, claiming that the best, like Houston and New England and DC United (when they’re fully healthy) can easily compete with the bottom half of the EPL. Am I alone in thinking this crazy thought?

Luckily, no.

“DC United would finish in the top 12,” Toronto FC midfielder Rohan Ricketts tells me, adding that this implies they have their first-choice squad. “They’re very technical, more technical than a lot of teams in England. They play the right way, pass and move. They’re a better advert for football than most of the teams in the Premiership.”

Ricketts should know about playing the game the right way. The 25-year-old winger came up at Arsenal, inhaling Arsene Wenger’s stylish philosophy, then had stints at Tottenham and Wolves.

Ultimately, it’s a debate that can’t be decided, no matter if your sermonizing with a pint of Magner’s in your hand or typing on a laptop. But the very fact that the discussion is even possible these days says more about MLS’s progress than Beckham’s arrival in Los Angeles or Barcelona’s interest in an expansion team does.

“Ten years ago, your question wouldn’t have been hard to answer,” Mariner concludes. “But MLS is making great strides. In the end, I don’t know if there is an answer. We could argue about it ‘til we’re blue in the face. Put twenty people in a room, and get twenty different opinions. That’s the beauty of football, and that’s why we love it.”

Greg Lalas is the site director for Goal.com North America. His new “Target Man” column will appear regularly on Goal.com.

I dont think they could compete in the Premier league. I do think they would compete in the championship. You cant expect the young league to be able to compete in "the best league in the world". Like the article said John Terrys salary could fund 3 mls clubs. I do think the league is making great improvements. Im excited about the future of the league. You can say what you want about Beckham but he has helped the league trememdously. Also Blanco with chicago and Angel at new york. The league is making great improvements. If you look at last year in a friendly the chicago fire had a 1-1 draw against Celtic. In a game where it was said that Chicago dominated the match.

Anyways let me know what you think. Please no ignorant responses lol

Could a MLS team compete in England? In short yes....given a few years

In fact any team could compete in England - simply put it is the richest league in the world, if you go down you go down with a £20million pound parachute payment, plus your more likely looking at a sell out when the big 4 come calling at your place as well.

The biggest argument in the past 10 seasons here in Scotland is wether or not Rangers & Celtic could compete in England and would they be big teams down there, i fully believe they would as they have the history, fan base (regulary filling thier 55000 & 60000 stadiums to capacity even when the opposition are a small provisional club like St Mirren) and would then have the money to attract some of the worlds biggest stars, therefore the EPL would have a big 6 rather than a big 4.

I think the MLS teams would survive and would compete, but i think you would need to look at mid table at best on a regular basis. Of course there are a few teams in the MLS who would survive better than others i mean Colorado Rapids would struggle i believe, but houston would problerly survive as would galaxy.